Friday, May 1, 2009

To Invite or Not Invite...THAT is the question

Dearly beloved bloggers,

I have a quandry. I have just moved to Hawaii where I am making a new life for myself and am forming friendships. This is not the problem- this, theoretically, is good. However, because I am living in bizarro world (i.e. planning a wedding), I can't help but think that new friendships are just making life more complicated.

Should I invite these new friends to our wedding? There are several that I can foresee being long-term pals. Will I regret that they weren't there or weren't invited years from now? All of my new friends live in Hawaii, but the wedding is in DC. Most of them probably won't be able to come anyway, so does that seem like we're just asking for a gift? Oh I just don't know! I just want people to be included in the celebration if they can make it, but I don't want to inadvertantly send the wrong message!

Bestow your wisdom, fellow brides and blog-readers!
Distressed in Lanikai,

Samantha Livalittle


  1. I had a similar problem with inviting my coworkers, since the wedding is a 5 hour drive from where I currently live/work. As my criteria for deciding who to invite, I asked myself if I: A) really really wanted them to be there or B) was just inviting them to be nice or because I felt obligated to. If the answer was A, I invited them! If it was B, I didn't! If you truly want them at your wedding, go ahead and invite them!

  2. I don't know the proper etiquette, but I don't think it's necessarily just asking for a gift.

    I agree with the holly p, if you would really like them there, invite them!

    If you think you'll be long term buddies with some of them, it will be a really nice memory for all parties to have had them at your wedding (or at least extended the invite).

  3. Hello Samantha -

    My fiancee and I are getting married in Mexico (we live in Denver). We are keeping the wedding small (very close friends and family) and are having a separate wedding celebration party for all those people who won't be going to the wedding but who we definitely want to celebrate with. This may be a good option for you (plus it's more parties, and who doesn't like parties).

    Anyways, I'm also writing because a friend and I just launched a new online wedding planner and wanted to see if you would like to try it out or if you think it would be worth mentioning to your readers. It's called, it's free to anyone who wants to use it and it's perfect for DIY brides.

    We now have more than 2,000 DIY brides-to-be using it, and if you want you can either create your own account or view a demo account at And if you like it and think your readers would like it, we'd be so grateful for a mention or a link on your blog. There's linking language and images you can use (if you want) at

    Thanks so much for your time, and don’t hesitate to drop me a note if you have questions.

    Take care,

    P.S. I just jumped into the wedding blogging world myself to give a groom's perspective on planning a wedding. It's at and I added a link to your blog on my blogroll there.

  4. I don't think it's the wrong message! Invite them if you would like them to be there (regardless of where the wedding is and if they have to travel or not). After that, it's up to them to decide whether they want to come or not, or to gift or not!

  5. Oh yes, I like the idea of a 'back from the wedding & honeymoon' party or a wedding shower with your Hawaii buddies! Since traveling half way around the world might be difficult, why not party in your new home?

  6. I like Victory's idea too--you can always extend the invitation and add that since you know it's a crazy journey and whatnot, you were also having the "back from the wedding etc." party upon your return and that you'd love to see them there regardless. Takes the pressure off them but also lets them know you'd love their company at the main event.

    Plus, then you can show off your new home and also break out all the new goodies you DID get as presents :)

  7. invite them. if you foresee them being life long friends, then you won't want to regret not inviting them.

    we've struggled with this ourselves, and in the end, you'll never regret inviting a few more people, but you will regret not inviting people.

    and i don't think it seems like you are asking for a gift.


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